Ways To Make Up After A Fight

After a big fight, owning up to your mistakes is an important first step in repairing the relationship.

If you are committed to making amends after a big fight with your husband or wife, lover, or boyfriend or girlfriend, making up and moving forward is easier than you think.

No matter what the cause of your last fight with your spouse, there is no point in playing the argument over and over again in your head. Trying to figure out who is right, who is wrong, or who started the argument doesn’t get either of you any closer to making up and moving on after the melt-down.

Here are some ways to help you and your partner to get back on track after an argument, a misunderstanding, or a relationship melt-down

Next, give up the idea of being right. Don't focus on the examples or details from the fight; those will be right or wrong depending on your perspective. Instead, focus on the other person's feelings. "What can never be wrong is how the other person feels,"

Third, mirror the other person's position by verbalizing your understanding of how he or she feels. This helps you focus on the other person's needs. For example, you can say: "I understand you are hurt because I went out without you last night." And ask if you are correct.

"A lot of people don't want to apologize because they don't want to admit that they did anything wrong," Dr. Shorey says. A good approach: "I am sorry I upset you. I don't think there is anything wrong with me going out last night, but I can see why you feel hurt and how it would be better for me not to go because I don't want you to feel bad."
An important point here: Never use the word "but" in an apology. "I am sorry, but…" undermines the entire purpose.
Don't get offended by your partner's feelings. If you apologize and the other person says, "Yes, you really behaved badly," just nod your head. The goal is to accept responsibility for how you made someone feel.